bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
