apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
