I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think your dad took our porno
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
