I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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