My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
