There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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