I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
