We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
