I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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