What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
