The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
