So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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