i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
