Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
