direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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