I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize