After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
