you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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