My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
