How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I did not marry a roomba.
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