ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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