so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
