I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
