You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
