I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
worst night to have a conscience
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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