I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
