How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
