My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
