Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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