Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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