Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
