Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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