you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
