she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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