I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
