I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
