no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
