did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
