She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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