her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I love having hate sex.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
