At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
