i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
