I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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