If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
