Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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