Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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