I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
