Porn is love you can see.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
