i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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