There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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