kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
