omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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